Romantic relationships have always been an important field of psychological research because they involve the deep needs and motivations within an individual's inner world. From B.F. Skinner's behaviorist theory to Freud's psychoanalysis, from Carl Rogers' humanistic theory to Leon Festinger's relationship theory, various psychological perspectives explain the psychological mechanisms and challenges in romantic relationships.
Skinner believed that human behavior is a response to environmental stimuli, and romantic relationships are also influenced by external stimuli. He emphasized the role of positive reinforcement in maintaining romantic relationships, shaping the partner's behavior through rewards and punishments. However, this view overlooks the intrinsic emotional needs and cognitive factors of humans. Freud argued that unconscious conflicts and childhood experiences deeply impact romantic relationships, with intimacy between spouses often influenced by early life experiences and parental relationships.
In romantic relationships, Carl Rogers emphasized the importance of understanding and accepting the partner, proposing the theory of unconditional positive regard, which holds that expressing the true self and accepting the partner's authenticity is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Leon Festinger focused on power and control issues in relationships, believing that power dynamics are key factors determining relationship stability.
Regarding psychological challenges in romantic relationships, Maslow's hierarchy of needs provides important insights. He proposed that humans have a series of hierarchical needs, including physiological needs, safety needs, social needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization needs. Matching and fulfilling these needs in romantic relationships is crucial for long-lasting bonds. Erik Erikson's developmental psychology theory highlights psychological developmental tasks at different stages, with a healthy child self and mature adult self being foundations for a healthy romantic relationship.
In summary, romantic relationships involve multiple psychological factors, including individual behavior, unconscious motivations, emotional needs, cognitive patterns, and interpersonal interaction. To build a healthy and stable romantic relationship, it is essential to understand and balance the needs and motivations of both parties, maintain communication and understanding, and support and tolerate each other.
What is Marriage Psychology?
Why do all human beings simultaneously arrange the relationship called "marriage"?
Why does marriage become the grave of most love, causing unbearable pain?
If it is so painful, why is marriage so important to us?
Researchers from various disciplines worldwide are working hard to explore the answers to these questions. For example, sociologists study the impact of cultural backgrounds in different regions; economists study the costs and benefits of marriage partnership systems; psychologists study the influence of the original family on each spouse; and marriage therapists focus on problems arising at the "relationship" level between spouses, delving into the inner world of both individuals, and studying how various small issues in marriage trigger emotional changes.
For example:
- What makes two people choose to date?
- What makes two people decide to be together?
- What makes two people choose to break up?
- How does love affect the physical and mental health of both?
- What commonalities do marital conflicts share?
- How much does sex impact marital quality?
- How do children affect the marital relationship?
- What impact does divorce have on children?
- Does the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship affect marital health?
- How does psychological stress affect marital health?
- What factors increase or decrease the likelihood of divorce?
- How does a person's childhood experience influence their marital relationship?
By exploring and researching marriage psychology, marriage therapists can better provide timely support to both spouses before, during, and after crises, rather than regretting only when hiring divorce lawyers to fight over property and children.
A Brief Explanation of Marriage Psychology
As the saying goes: "Even a good judge finds it hard to settle family disputes." Intimate relationships are the most psychologically destabilizing among all interpersonal relationships. Because intimacy means the other person is the closest to your heart in the world, in other words, you assume they understand you best. Yes, most emotional unhappiness comes from "assuming," because we tend to be arrogant. Marriage is harder than dating because it involves more complicated family relationships on both sides, making happiness even harder to achieve. In childhood, our parents have the greatest impact on our mental health, and in adulthood, our partner has the greatest impact on our emotional health.
According to the World Health Organization's "2019 Global Suicide Report," the number of suicides in China in 2019 was 116,324. Among them, the primary causes of suicide among Chinese women were family and marital disputes, accounting for more than 50%, even up to 80%.
The positive side of marriage is that our partner knows our temper better than anyone else and is the person we trust the most. Over time, as the bond between two hearts grows closer, they can rely on and support each other, basking in warmth and happiness together. The support and happiness we gain from a good marriage are hard to replace with other social supports (Holt-Lunstad, Birmingham, & Jones, 2008).
But everything has two sides: one is gain, the other is risk. A famous quote from "Intimate Relationships: The Bridge to the Soul" says: Expectations are the road to hell. If things do not go as we expect, situations can deteriorate rapidly. Differences in viewpoints between two people can cause complaints and accusations over small daily frictions, leading to quarrels and even full-blown wars between the two spouses’ original families. Marriage becomes fragile, partners seek emotional fulfillment outside, resulting in the intrusion of a third party that destroys all the trust built over more than a decade, and may lead to complete loss of control and a destructive end. Therefore, marriage professionals have emerged. A well-trained marriage therapist can provide professional skills based on scientifically proven theories and practical operations to resolve marital breakdowns.